


Pistanthrophobia

by skittykitty



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Drowning, Gen, Hawkfrost-centric, Isolation, Non-Consensual Cuddling, Self-Harm, Traumatized Hawkfrost, everyone loves him but he's convinced everyone hates him, hawkfrost is the baby of the family, its very mild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittykitty/pseuds/skittykitty
Summary: “What did Starclan send you for?”She chuckled, claws digging into the ground. “A prophecy. It goes…” Her voice began to echo violently in his ears. Flinching, he started to step back. “Darkness, Air, Water, and Sky will come together” — the ground began to shake beneath them, rattling their bodies — “and shake the forest to its roots.” Green eyes stared into his own, a terrifying intensity drilling into him. “Nothing will be as it is now, nor as it has been before.”Hawkfrost and Mothwing conduct their Warrior’s Vigil, while Starclan comes to a decision.
Relationships: Crowfeather & Feathertail & Hawkfrost & Stormfur & Tawnypelt (Warriors), Hawkfrost & Leopardfoot (Warriors), Hawkfrost & Mothwing (Warriors), Hawkfrost & Tigerstar (Warriors), Hawkfrost (Warriors) & Everyone, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	Pistanthrophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting other people :) Thank you [Cultivation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cultivation/pseuds/Cultivation) for betaing this!!

It was a long night. Hawkfrost and his sister were just announced as the warriors their mother always wanted them to be. 

Supposedly, Vigil was tough for everyone. At least they had each other in hidden smiles— in flicks of their ears— and in the softening of amber eyes. After their vigil, Mothwing would whisper  _ Mother would be so proud of us  _ and smile. He would lay her head by his chest. 

They would sleep in euphoria and old memories.

For now, the moon passed over them slowly. Hawkfrost yawned. Coughs echoed from the Medicine Den; some warriors have been concocting Greencough. Hopefully, neither of them would get sick.

Sickness killed in the wild. 

Alone with their mother— alone with the trauma of seeing their brother drown— the two of them were introduced to death; to waking up to a still body sleeping next to you.

Their mother got sick before she had joined Riverclan. It wasn’t serious, just a minor cough. A tickle in the back of her throat.

It was just a little bit of water in the Twolegs Den. Just a drop of water.

Hawk and Moth laid down their mother.  _ Just lay down,  _ they whispered.  _ It’ll all be okay. We can get Riverclan to help.  _

Maybe their freak-out— their inability to function at the thought of death— is what brought her to Riverclan. Maybe, the Clan had helped.

Maybe it didn’t.

Neither of them made friends, only distant mentors and each other. No one  _ wanted  _ to be friends with the loner’s kits. But... they  _ could _ have had friends. 

A pair of kits in the same boat— murmurs of  _ we’re half-Thunderclan—  _ and the offering of friendship. Moth had wanted it— had wanted so dearly to belong.

Hawk, all rough edges and protective growls, didn’t.  _ Go away,  _ he murmured.  _ We don’t want you here. _

With a soul-deep yearning in her eyes, Moth agreed.

It was always  _ him  _ who pushed everyone away. Mothwing was always by his side, carefully hidden from the world.

She had been the first to escape the Twoleg’s house. She had been the first to truly acclimate to the clan.

He was forever stuck in that flooded den— forever watching his mother stare in horror… forever carrying his brother’s corpse.

Hawkfrost smiled, bitterness carved in his bones. His claws dug into hard stone. Long, dangerous claws— just like his father’s. His mind ran in circles of self-hatred as they flexed. 

Something dangerous in the paws of some _ one _ dangerous. His father was dangerous— he hurt others, killed so many innocents.

Tigerstar killed squirrels and cats with the same claws. 

Hawkfrost only ever killed fish.

The soft crunch as the fish stopped moving—

Tadpole’s still body, water sloshing around in his empty stomach—

His claws scratched against the stone with a loud screech.

Mothwing turned to him, concern palpable in her amber eyes. 

A part of his claw chipped. It laid on the stone, blending into the dark grey. Icy blue eyes slowly rose to meet his sister’s gaze.

He smiled.

Everything would be fine.

* * *

“You two are free to go to sleep.” Leopardstar smiled at them, at two kits who had become something of a family to her.

Sasha was a lovely mother, but… these two needed the clan life. They needed unconditional love from their clanmates— needed a support system rogues could never have. Sasha had been a rogue all her life— she knew how to survive.

(All the same, she still offered her a home.

There would always be a home in Leopardstar’s heart for Sasha.)

Hawkfrost and Mothwing were amazing warriors in their own rights. Hawkfrost… her own apprentice. She had taught him everything, and he had been the exception to the rule.

The leader’s apprentice.

Warriors wondered if Hawkfrost would become deputy soon. Cats wondered if Mistyfoot hated this upstart.

Of course, she didn’t. How could anyone hate such innocent love in his eyes? How he respected each catch— how he always put elders and queens before himself? 

How he always offered his best catch to her and Mistyfoot? 

How could she hate someone she had spent so many moons with? Mistyfoot had watched him grow up right alongside her leader. From a traumatized kitten playing with bones to a respected warrior— someone she would trust to become deputy if things went terribly wrong.

“Report to Mistyfoot for afternoon patrol,” she advised the two of them. Mothwing smiled, tiredly glancing at the warriors’ den. Leopardstar gave her former apprentice a kind nuzzle. “I’m proud of you two. So very, very proud of you.”

Hawkfrost tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace than anything else. “I’m— thank you, Leopardstar.” The sun crept over the skyline, shining onto the warrior’s dark fur. He looked at his paws, claws rhythmically tapping into the stone. “For everything.”

_ Anything for you,  _ she would have said— if she wasn't the leader. If she was a normal warrior. If Hawkfrost was the son she had yearned for her whole life.

Leopardstar smiled, watching the two of them settle into the den— watching her family settle into their new home.

And, if it wasn’t a home for them,— if they needed to leave— she would let them. Leopardstar had let Sasha leave; she had allowed everyone she had ever loved to leave.

If Hawkfrost and Mothwing needed to leave to be happy, so be it.

Their happiness meant more than… well, it meant more than it  _ should. _

* * *

Even after the long night, it took a while for Hawkfrost to drift to sleep. The sky had begun to fade into a soft blue.

His sister was dead to the world, her soft sighs mixing in with the other warriors’. It was him alone— the only cat awake as dawn broke.

Exhaustion pulled his head down onto the fresh moss, but he refused. Sleep was a blessing he didn’t want just yet... there was something to do.

There was always something he should be doing.

The morning sky faded from view as his body gave up the fight. Even with all the willpower in the world, his body would never allow it.

“Wake up,” an unfamiliar voice called. It sounded distant, like someone was talking from across the den. “Hawkfrost, wake up.”

Green eyes watched him slowly get up. Watched as he flexed his claws in the moss— watched as he scanned the den, finding it empty of warriors. The she-cat’s body seemed to melt into the night sky behind her. 

“Where is everyone?” His eyes narrowed at his sister’s empty bedding. The imprint of her body was still there, fresh. She couldn’t have been gone for long. Looking around, he began to notice how the rest of the bedding was untouched.

The she-cat chuckled. “They aren’t here.” She smiled, turning to leave the den. “Follow me, and you’ll see.”

He followed her, glancing around the empty camp. So much was  _ missing—  _ so much more than his clanmates, so much more than his sister. Vines that were constantly shifting in the wind— leaves that flew by in the wind… they were missing.

The air was always different in Riverclan. Thicker, somehow. Scents were stronger here, whereas Fourtrees felt stuffed with scents constantly. 

There was nothing to feel here. The ground wasn’t even the typical stone; instead, it felt like grass under his paws.

“Who are you?” he eventually asked. They were approaching the river between Riverclan and Thunderclan. Was she taking him to Sunningrocks?

“Oh,” she chuckled. “You wouldn’t know me. It’s only been a generation, yet it seems the clans have already forgotten me.” 

He was never told about how Starclan worked. Since cats apparently were born with an intuition about Starclan, they had never mentioned anything about being forgotten— about  _ this. _

“If you tell me your name,” Hawkfrost hesitantly offered. “Then you’ll have one cat who remembers you.”

She turned to him, smiling mischievously. “Alright.” The she-cat walked towards him with confidence in her gait. “My name is Leopardfoot… and I think you know my son.”

Hawkfrost chuckled mirthlessly. “Your son?” He thought of dark-furred cats with green eyes. None immediately came to mind, and… she had only been dead for a generation?

Would he be like this when he died? 

Remembered only when he could make others see him?

Forgotten, just like Leopardfoot..?

“My son,” she sat down with a sigh. “My son is… well…” Warm green eyes stared into icy blue. “Your father. Tigerstar.”

How did— 

Had Starclan known the whole time? Known they were  _ drowning  _ and done nothing? Had they watched?

Or had they been too preoccupied with their precious clans to care about Tigerstar’s kits?

Had Starclan killed Tadpole on purpose— would Starclan kill him? Mothwing? 

Were they going to get rid of Tigerstar’s bloodline?  _ Get rid of the bad blood? _

Hawkfrost chuckled, eyes wide in terror. “You’re… Tigerstar’s mother.” His ear flicked repeatedly as he tried desperately to calm down. 

“Yes,” she whispered, approaching him quietly. “And I was sent by Starclan for a very special reason, but…” Leopardfoot looked at his barely concealed terror. “I want to help you. I want… I want you to be happy, Hawkfrost.”

He almost laughed, only allowed a small smile to show itself. What a  _ joke.  _ No one would ever  _ just _ want him to be happy. Not his mother, not Leopardstar, and especially not his grandmother. 

“No, you don’t,” he spat, stepping so they were chest to chest. “You want to be ominous and walk me to Sunningrocks? Alright, I’ll do it. You want to tell me how we’re  _ secretly related?  _ Alright, I don’t care. But, you dare to lie to my face…” He bared his teeth, a whisper of his father’s all-consuming hatred in his eyes. “No. You’re not allowed to pretend— to try and be the perfect cat.

“You can give me whatever Starclan sent you for, then  _ leave.”  _ They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. Hawkfrost kept eye contact with her, refusing to give her anything.

“Alright,” Leopardfoot sighed. “I’ll stop for tonight, but I’m not giving up on you, Hawkfrost.”

“What did Starclan send you for?” 

She chuckled, claws digging into the ground. “A prophecy. It goes…” Her voice began to echo violently in his ears. Flinching, he started to step back. “Darkness, Air, Water, and Sky will come together” — the ground began to shake beneath them, rattling their bodies — “and shake the forest to its roots.” Green eyes stared into his own, a terrifying intensity drilling into him. “Nothing will be as it is now, nor as it has been before.”

There was a horrifying crack behind him, followed immediately by his back foot slipping into the gap. Leopardfoot watched with cold eyes as her grandson fell back into reality.

Hawkfrost woke up with a shuddering gasp. The den was empty, besides Mothwing asleep beside him. It was midday already. Normally, he would join patrols immediately, but for now, he curled up around his sister. 

With a shudder, he tried desperately to ignore Starclan’s horrifying message. He began to relax into his sister’s fur over time, listening to the bustle of his clanmates. It was nice, being able to relax. Knowing they wouldn’t throw him out for not helping. At least, not now.

Hawkfrost refused to drift back to sleep. He couldn’t risk going back to her— back to the reality of a doomed future.

Footsteps walked across the moss. He figured it was a warrior coming to change their moss, or something similar. The warrior laid beside him, far closer than he’d ever been to anyone other than his sister since he was a kit.

They laid their head atop his tense skull. There was an airy chuckle. “I forgot to tell you to talk to Feathertail.”

Leopardfoot laid at his back for a few moments more, watching him close off more and more. It was almost entertaining how similar he was to her son.

Eerily so.

With a sigh, she headed back to Starclan. With her intervention, he wouldn’t be like him. She wouldn’t let him.

And… if he did turn out evil? 

Well— Tigerstar had lost all his lives from a single wound for a reason.

**Author's Note:**

> I might make a series of this! Got a lot of ideas in the works. You can find me on my [tumblr](https://skitter-kitteruwu.tumblr.com/) where you can pester me to finish half-thought out ideas and scream to me about fics!!
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